Pastor Detweiler’s sermon for Sunday, Sept. 7, 2008

“It is in this faith and hope that we live each day - reconciled to God and, through him, to each other.”

Matthew 18:15-20; Romans 13:8-14

Gary joined St Luke’s when he married into the largest family in the congregation. Although that was 14 years ago, he was considered a relatively new member of the congregation. The new pastor asked him to run for church council, an offer he gladly accepted. At the annual meeting his wife’s brother was nominated from the floor and neither got elected. (There was an unspoken rule in that congregation that there could be no more than one member of an extended family on the council.)

Gary was hurt and angry. He thought his brother-in-law should have declined the nomination but said nothing to him. Instead he lay awake at night, stewing in his hurt. He felt like he did not matter in that place, that no one cared about him. His young wife was worried he was headed for some kind of breakdown. He wouldn’t talk to her about it, so she talked to her father about it. “Should Gary speak to the pastor about it?” she wondered. Her father didn’t think so because the pastor too was smarting from this nasty lesson in congregational politics and might be defensive.

In subsequent years Gary was asked occasionally to serve on council. His reply was always a sharp “No,” with more emotion than seemed appropriate and no explanation. This went on for 35 years until someone he trusted asked why the “no” was so emphatic. The story came out. The reply was “I’m sorry this congregation hurt you. Things are different now.” Gary was able to say “Yes,” and more importantly, be reconciled to that community of faith.

Reconciliation is the point of the process for dealing with conflict outlined by Jesus in Matthew 18. The most important part is the first step: “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.” All it takes is for them to listen. This isn’t an attempt to wring an apology, but clearing the air - removing the barriers that so easily separate us. If Gary had been able to speak up at the time, he would not have had to endure the hurt alone and for so long.

In the context of the whole of Chapter 18, it is clear that we have no right to calculate forgiveness, nurse grudges, whine about our hurt, or resist healing. Just before this section, Jesus urges his disciples to be humble and not to disdain each other. After it comes Peter’s question about how many times he has to forgive and Jesus’ reply that he is not to keep track of it. We are to take the first step, to risk being hurt again in the hope that we can restore the relationship. Alienation of Christians from each other is to be taken very seriously. Nothing is gained by overlooking the injury in the hopes that it will go away.

Matthew records this process for reconciliation from Jesus because it is only on this basis that the Christian community and families can function in a healthy way. He is guiding us toward following his way, not expecting perfection, but growing in God’s grace and forgiveness.

The first step is the most important and most difficult. We hope that we can avoid saying anything - that the problem will get better on its own. Rarely is that true. But worse yet is saying something to someone else instead of to the person who has offended. Then the problem becomes magnified and more difficult to resolve because more people are involved in it.

Taking that first step with the goal of reconciliation requires us to admit that we are not perfect - that we might be wrong. By speaking up we are giving the other person the opportunity to present their side and thereby offering the possibility of coming to a common understanding. That might not be agreement, but it can be understanding.

It took Gary a very long time to get speak up and it only happened because someone took the time to ask what was bothering him.

It was the last straw. Although Jerry owned the farm, it seemed he was always answering to his aunt, Clara, who had lived there all her 70 years. For 30 years Jerry and his wife, Helen, put up with Clara’s criticism and sharp tongue. But when she accused them of taking furniture that was her’s out of the common storage room they decided to tell her to find another place to live.

A number of us from the family volunteered to help move Aunt Clara. My job was to drive her to the new place - no one else wanted to endure her emotions on that drive. At the time I thought Aunt Clara and Jerry and Helen - all members of the same church and the same family - might never speak again. But I was wrong.

About a year later Helen was hospitalized. Aunt Clara sent her a card. And that’s all it took to bring down the wall of silence. It wasn’t an apology or a request for one. It was, though, an act of reconciliation, a reaching out, an expression of concern.

Reconciliation is the point of the process for dealing with conflict outlined by Jesus in Matthew 18. The most important part is the first step: “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.” All it takes is for them to listen. This isn’t an attempt to wring an apology, but clearing the air - removing the barriers that so easily separate us.

Aunt Clara never apologized, but her sending a card to Helen was a sign of acceptance of her responsibility for what had happened between them. That’s all it took for them to resume a normal relationship.

We who are baptized into Jesus’ death and resurrection are called together by the Holy Spirit as a community of faith to encourage each other and to be a living reminder of God’s presence in the world. We can live in trust and hope, because we do not trust in ourselves, but in God as we know him in Christ. As we have been joined to Jesus’ death in baptism, so we will be joined to his resurrection. We - as a community of faith in Jesus - are a sentinel of hope and faith in a fearful and unbelieving world, pointing toward the Eternal One from whom nothing can separate us in Christ.

It is in this faith and hope that we live each day - reconciled to God and, through him, to each other. We can speak the truth in love, we can listen to the other side, and we can move forward together into God’s future. Paul says in today’s second lesson: “For salvation is nearer to us now than when we became believers; the night is far gone, the day is near. Let us then lay aside the works of darkness and put on the armor of light; let us live honorably as in the day…” (Romans 13:11-12)

We can do that because we trust God’s grace and Jesus’ promise that “where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”